watch where you step

Okay so here we go; I wanted to talk about the things that I run across when I'm walking the dog because it's become sort of a ritual when my wife comes home at night. I don't know if other people experience the things that I do but it would be interesting to find out because I have found it at times hilarious and other times a little frightening.
Anyway, the first thing I would like to talk about is the inordinate amount of undergarments I find on our walks. Which begs the question how did those panties get there? We've come across them by the rail road tracks, near apartment buildings, and in the middle of nowhere. For approximately the last week we've been walking by a pair of boxers near the sidewalk adjacent to the fire station. I guess the only thing other than finding underwear on the sidewalk that is surprising is that my dog isn't anywhere near as interested in these pairs of underwear as the ones in my hamper. I don't think I want to know why.
Another almost equally disturbing thing we've come across on our daily sojourn was unused condoms near a bus stop at an apartment complex. Again, this leaves me wondering how these two condoms ended up on the sidewalk. My only guess is that someone needed one condom and bought a three pack could not be caught by a third party with the other two.
Less disturbing, but equally mysterious are the ridiculous amount of shoes I find on our walks. There doesn't seem to be a correlation in size or style, just that they seem to be everywhere we walk. Finding shoes on the sidewalk could possibly be the strangest thing of all, I mean, when one’s shoe has fallen off while walking and one does not realize that. Alas, another of life's great mysteries that may never be solved. One more thing about finding shoes, I know what one might think and that is that some child has lost a gym shoe but I am here to tell you that this is not the case; we are talking flip-flops dress shoes boots sandals etc.
Now and then we discover things that seem less mysterious, like rappers or foodstuffs along with the occasional dead animal. Cds that are found by the side of the road seem to have a more obvious origin. I guess it time for the generic part of this list: socks, newspapers, tires, broken bicycles, candy, records, vacuum cleaners, numerous side view mirrors, a cell phone, a golf club, a railroad spike, a concrete child’s head, a Doberman (alive, and goofy as hell) a candle, a mirror, a wooden crate, a chair, etc. Anyway you get the point it goes on and on. I believe that some people who live their lives sheltered i.e. without a dog should know these things exist, and they exist on your sidewalk.
Of all the things I have found on my dog walking adventures, the best thing I ever found was a $20 bill. It was like Christmas. It was like God had thrown a $20 bill down as payment for walking the crap out of my dog. Never mind that it worked out to about a half a penny an hour, I was just glad to be appreciated. My dog doesn't appreciate me anymore; she has come to take in our walks for granted and gets very angry if I'm running late. Now you dog owners know what that means. Piss off the Princess and you may find your wedding shoes or your boots full of crap.